What NOT to Say to the Parent of a Child with ADHD

When you’re doing the best you can raising your child with ADHD, it can be frustrating to hear misinformed comments from well-meaning friends, relatives, and even total strangers. Here are the top 10 insensitive remarks and myths about ADHD that parents hear far too frequently.

We’ve all heard the judgmental whispers: “Why can’t they control their child?” “I’d never let my child do that.” ADHD is a medical neurological condition that can cause very real behavioral problems that parents and children struggle with every day. Comparing the behavior of children with ADHD to that of their neuro-typical peers is unproductive and insensitive. 

ADHD isn’t just a “growing pain,” and there’s no guarantee that symptoms will improve as a child ages. In fact, up to two-thirds of children diagnosed with ADHD will continue to struggle with the condition into adulthood.

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The school accommodations outlined in 504 Plans and IEPs level the playing field for a child who is struggling in school due to ADHD and/or learning disabilities. The law guarantees that these services are made available to students who need them; don’t let misinformed comments stop you from getting your child the tutoring, extra time, or classroom attention she needs.

Spanking and other harsh punishments are actually counterproductive on children with ADHD who struggle to sit still, keep quiet, or adhere to strict rules. Traditional types of discipline don't work when the behavior stems from a neurological condition beyond the child's control, so parents (and teachers) may have to try new approaches like behavior therapy and positive parenting.

Nope. There is no evidence to support a link between television (or video games or smart phones) and ADHD. In fact, plenty of children who watch no TV at all are diagnosed with attention deficit. More and more research points to a genetic connection.

If only. While hyperactivity is a highly visible, trademark symptom of some ADHD, other manifestations — like impulsivity and inattention — are nearly impossible for strangers to see but seriously impact a child's day-to-day life.

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The term may be new, but the phenomenon is not — many of us diagnosed with ADHD now would have once been called lazy, stupid, or incapable of learning — or even diagnosed with a "Defect of Moral Control."

While symptoms may be aggravated by too many sweets, sugar cannot cause ADHD. Some parents report seeing no difference at all in their child’s ADHD symptoms, even when they completely cut out sugar.

The decision to medicate is between a family and its doctor, and it isn’t made lightly by anyone. Parents usually turn to medication only after changes in eating habits, supplements, and other behavioral modifications have proven ineffective.

Well-meaning — but woefully misinformed — observers often think kids with ADHD just need to be “tired out,” and finding the right activity will solve all the child’s problems. Unfortunately, soccer or paint ball can’t control ADHD symptoms — only proper treatment can.

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