How to Be a Neuroqueer Ally
Take the time to listen. Speak up. Show up. Offer compassion and withhold judgment. Neuroqueer ADDitude readers who belong both to the ADHD and LGBTQ+ communities describe what it looks like to be a true ally.
People with ADHD who belong to the LGBTQ+ community may face heightened stigma, and they often don’t receive adequate support or understanding. The abandonment they feel can have far-reaching implications that reverberate throughout a lifetime.
Allyship serves as a powerful antidote to stigma and bias — and it comes in many forms. To understand what kinds of support are most meaningful, we asked ADDitude readers who are members of the neuroqueer community to tell us what makes a true ally. Here’s what they said:
“A loyal ally speaks up and shuts down derogatory conversations even when a targeted party isn’t present. I’m proud to be that person for people who need support.” — Christine, Ontario
“A true ally is someone who listens to you and does not judge. I’m a woman who is gay and has ADHD. As a child, I had one particular teacher in high school who took me under her wing and supported me through very turbulent times as a teenager.” — Sally, Australia
“A true ally is someone who doesn’t project rejection. People with ADHD already have plenty of that and LGBTQIA people are set up to experience that even more strongly and frequently.” — An ADDitude Reader
[Read: The Clinicians’ Guide to Serving and Protecting LGBTQIA+ Youth]
“My mom. I was accepted always, no matter what. I realized that I fall on the queer spectrum only after her passing, but the unconditional love and acceptance I experienced from her as a kid made me not give a single crap if others didn’t accept me as an adult.” — Marla, New Jersey
“There is a social group that acts as ‘adopted’ family members for LGBTQIA community members who have been shunned by their biological families. This group shows up to events such as graduations and weddings to cheer you on. Being treated with so much kindness and compassion stops the shame spiral of feeling unworthy of love and happiness.” — FJ, Ontario
“School staff that make the environment hostile to bigotry.” — An ADDitude Reader
“I am bi and have ADHD, and I’m grateful that my friend group is full of other LGBTQ+ and neurodivergent people.” — Kelsie, Mississippi
[Read: “We Are Who We Are. There’s No Shame in That.”]
“I’m a member of the LGBTQIA community and my best allies have been good listeners who make space for me to figure out how I feel and what I want to do with my life.” — Meg, North Carolina
“The people who have been the most supportive are people who deeply understand the neurodivergent experience and have taken time to listen to me and understand what it’s like to have that experience with the added layer of queerness. It’s so much more complex and all-consuming than I think non-queer and neurotypical people can realize.” — Charles, Pennsylvania
“A true ally is one who genuinely wants people to express who they are.” — Pamela, Quebec
How to Be a Neuroqueer Ally: Next Steps
- Read: All My Friends Are Neurodivergent — and Wonderful
- Read: Happily Neurodivergent — at Last
- Read: Coping With the Stigma of ADHD
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