Working with a gender identity therapist was really helpful. She gave great advice, and we had weekly homework. One week, it might be to make a big effort to use the right pronouns. The next week, it might be to reach out to a family member and tell them about the new name, in front of Ashe to show them that we were supportive. At the beginning, Ashe would get upset when I or Ashe’s dad used the wrong pronouns, but they learned to accept that people are going to make mistakes. The therapy lasted a year, and Ashe’s confidence increased as we went through that.

“It All Made Sense:” An Empowering Diagnosis

At the end of 9th grade, Ashe’s therapist suggested a neuropsych. We knew Ashe had trouble at school — struggles with taking tests and keeping focus, but because they were such a likable person, teachers always gave them the benefit of the doubt. It really wasn’t until high school that we saw their grades drop drastically. The tests kept coming back failed. Assignments were not getting handed in on time.

It was unclear to us what was going on. Depression and anxiety run in the family so we were concerned about that, but Ashe had started to do their own research and they said, ‘I think I might have ADHD.’”

Ashe was right: the neuropsych revealed ADHD. It turned out that the anxiety Ashe was feeling came from the ADHD not being managed. The testing was reassuring, and validating. It all made sense. Ashe thought, ‘This is what I’ve been experiencing. Let me try to get everyone in my life to work with this.”

[Read: ADHD in Teens – Your Guide to Warning Signs & Treatments for Adolescents]

I know sometimes when kids with ADHD explore gender, parents can wonder: are they just being impulsive? Ashe is very quick to make decisions and can be very impulsive. But you’re not in your kid’s head, so you have to step back and support them while you see where it goes.

A Surprising Journey

The evolution of the gender journey was surprising. As Ashe moved through high school, after working with the gender therapist, they became really confident in themselves. They started wearing skirts and embracing what we would think of as more feminine presentation, but they were very clear that when they wear a dress, it doesn’t mean they’re a girl. As Ashe has grown older and more knowledgeable and confident, they’ve really learned to love their body. For me, that was a lovely surprise because there can be a lot of body dysmorphia during this kind of gender journey.

The name change was the hardest part for me. Ashe was not the name we gave them. They wanted a more neutral name that they felt suited them better. It hurt at first to not be a part of that process, but looking back and seeing the whole journey, I understand that ‘Ashe’ is the name they feel is them. Now it’s really strange to think back on the dead name, which we do have to use from time to time for legal stuff.

[Read: How to Support a Teen with ADHD Who Is Questioning Their Gender]

In the beginning I asked Ashe a lot, “Can you explain it to me?” Then I stopped, because I realized that I had to do the work of learning, myself — listening to podcasts, reading articles. It shouldn’t necessarily be the child’s responsibility to make you understand.

Support Now. Understand In Time.

I also realized that I didn’t really need to understand in order to support. I figured out that the understanding would come, one day, down the line. But what needed to happen, in that moment, was just support.

The relationships, including friendships, that Ashe has formed are extremely deep and supportive. Ashe now has a boyfriend, and they’ve been together for two years. They have amazing communication for a bunch of 19-year-olds, the way they talk about how to address each other and physical touch and what’s okay with that. There is a lot of really open communication and I think it comes from both of them being so comfortable with who they are.

A lot of people push down who they are — whether that’s gender or sexuality or neurodivergence. But seeing Ashe embrace themselves, I’ve thought, wow, everyone should know as much as they can about themselves — their neurodivergence, gender identity, sexuality. It can open you up to being so much more authentic, and fulfilled.

Gender Diversity and Neurodiversity: Next Steps

• Watch: Gender Diversity and Neurodiversity – How to Support a Child, Teen, or Young Adult with ADHD as They Explore Gender
• Read: How to Be a Neuroqueer Ally
• Read: The Clinicians’ Guide to Serving and Protecting LGBTQIA+ Youth

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In fourth grade, my favorite teacher led an activity where we had to describe to our peers how to make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich as if they were aliens who had never heard of such a food. As bright fourth graders, we started by telling the other group to “put the peanut butter on the bread.” As you can imagine, the instruction was so vague that my peers, who were only following directions, placed the entire peanut butter jar on top of the bread, which was not our intention. “Working and communicating together in groups can be challenging,” my teacher told me. “Did you learn anything from this?”

Working in groups – and socializing in general – can be especially challenging for kids with ADHD. ADHD is not so much about knowledge-based deficits as it is about performance-based challenges. A lot of us know how to socialize and we understand what’s right and wrong, but we struggle when we need to display our social skills. That’s why it’s so important to practice skills in real time, and why it’s even more important for parents to support and replicate skill-building at home.

The following are three social skills activities I have found help children with ADHD because they can be practiced in a social-skills groups with same-aged peers AND outside of the office with the support of parents:

“LEGO My Creation”

The first strategy, derived from an activity book by Jennifer Cook O’Toole, is written for parents, clinicians, and educators of autistic children. Given the overlap between autism and ADHD, this resource may be helpful more broadly.

[Get This Free Download: A Friendship Guide for Kids with ADHD]

The goal behind this communication activity resembles that of my PB&J fourth grade bit. During the activity, children sit back-to-back and each pair is given identical LEGO pieces. In each pair, Child #1 creates a structure with the pieces while Child #2, still turned the other way, waits. Then, Child #1, who built the structure, practices clearly and patiently communicating what they created to Child #2, who is blind to what Child #1 created. Child #2 has to try to build a replica using only Child #1’s verbal description. Both partners can only see and compare structures at the end of the activity. Before the activity, clinicians and/or parents should discuss helpful tips for easier communication, and children should also be coached and given direct feedback during the activity.

I like this activity because, even if it turns out to be very difficult for the pair, it will likely serve to increase awareness of situations in which children may be misunderstood and need to explain things more clearly. Other versions of this same activity, like drawing, can help with clarifying thoughts and with communicating more effectively.

Two tips I’ve learned in my practice with neurodivergent youth: Make sure the LEGO pieces are large and simplify the task for them as much as you can. The goal is to teach them something, but also to make the task attainable and fun, so if the structure is too difficult to describe, that may suck the fun out of the activity and make the game unnecessarily stressful.

Spin the Confidence Wheel

Many of the neurodivergent pre-teens and teens with whom I work say they want to increase their confidence in social situations. Enter the Confidence Wheel, an activity I derived from my exposure therapy work with anxious youth. Each slice of the wheel is filled in with a unique social anxiety exposure or situation based on the child’s specific triggers. When the wheel stops, the child has to engage in the social anxiety exposure indicated. (For so much of anxiety, the only way out is through.) After discussing the rationale behind this activity and receiving some core coping skills, the child engages in the social anxiety exposure with the support of their social skills group and clinician; they can also practice outside of the office with parental support.

[Read: 5 Ways to Reframe Anxiety for Your Worried Teen]

I like this one because it is applied – it pushes the child to actually DO something rather than just discuss a skill, and it can be practiced with parents’ support. After all, it will be difficult to engage in real-life social skills practice if anxiety is holding them back.

Winging it with Improv

Improvisation has so many social skills built into it — changing and adapting personas based on context, getting used to quick cognitive shifts, following what others are saying, staying on topic – that can help neurodivergent youth rehearse in a funny and supportive environment.

Improv classes, programs, clubs, and camps are everywhere – another benefit of this activity. As individuals with ADHD, we need humor and movement to stay sane, and improv provides both. Here’s a display of one improv activity I’ve seen work well with neurodivergent preteens and teens: LiveKellyandMark.

In each of these activities, we encourage adolescents to interact with others in real time while facing their social fears in fun, supportive environments. These exercises and contexts teach them to love themselves for who they are while opening their minds to new strategies for becoming the best versions of themselves.

Social Skills Activities: Next Steps

• Read: Social Smarts — The Teen Years
• Read: Building (Real) Friendships in the Age of Social Media
• Watch: The Social Reboot – Helping Tween and Teen Boys with ADHD Make Friends

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At 44, when I was diagnosed with ADHD, my neuropsychologist warned me that telling my family about it, given the personal background I provided, might not be the wisest idea.

Before I brought up ADHD to my family, they never questioned my previous medical diagnoses: migraines, a root canal, COVID-19, two bunionectomies, and two staph infections. My understanding of my health conditions was never challenged until it came to ADHD, when a single family member politely undermined my medical diagnosis, my grasp of reality, and my intelligence.

Why the ADHD denial?

To Deny ADHD Is to Uphold a Fraught Reality

Those who dismiss ADHD, I gather, often do it as an act of self-preservation. To deny ADHD is to avoid uncomfortable truths about opportunity and success.

From the moment small children can comprehend language, adult authority figures tell them that if they follow specific steps, a particular outcome is very likely or guaranteed. “Work hard, and you’ll get good grades.” “Success is no accident.”  “Practice makes perfect.” This rigid, unforgiving logic is the very foundation of the American Dream and a common justification not to help each other. Athletes, actors, musicians, authors, artists, scientists, and other recipients of professional honors, wealth, and prestige will parrot the same talking points.

[Read: Why It Hurts When Neurotypicals Claim an “ADHD Moment”]

My parents and teachers reiterated these adages too. All of my siblings ardently followed this advice, and they were richly rewarded for their legitimate hard work: private boarding schools in England, Ivy League graduate degrees, high incomes, networking with wealthy families, and professional achievements.

Not for me or the other one in 20 children in the 1980s who had ADHD, though.

The people who champion these simplistic platitudes don’t realize or account for the fact that learning isn’t that simple for those of us who are wired differently. If an undetected and untreated developmental disability stymied my academic and professional achievements – instead of my alleged lazy, unmotivated, unintelligent, and scatterbrained behaviors – then the reality for my family and all the other people who genuinely think they worked hard is shattered.

Despite steps to mitigate the effects of disability discrimination, this country still wrestles with the fact that not all opportunities for success are equal, especially in highly competitive, driven environments. Most upsetting is the fact that ADHD runs in families, meaning that “bad” genetics can threaten to upend one’s previously positive self-image and long-held beliefs about intelligence. The inability to accept reality, such as loved ones clinging to stigma over facts, takes hold in families and denies the possibility for compassion, empathy, and proper treatment.

Covert Denial and Faux Concern

I’ll give these skeptics and critics some credit: they know outright denials or rejections of an ADHD diagnosis are no longer socially acceptable. They really don’t want to appear brazenly ignorant by contradicting a widely recognized neurodevelopmental disorder.

[Read: “Is ADHD Really Real?” 6 Ranked Responses to ADD Skeptics]

What’s the “better” response? Very respectful, palatable contradictions that are cloaked in faux concern and passive-aggressive denial. “Being fidgety is normal in children, but now it’s a ‘condition!’” “The inability to focus and concentrate probably isn’t really ADHD.” “All of this ADHD nonsense is only a flashy trend.” “Is the rise in diagnoses social media’s fault?” In my case, I got the question, “Did you take this, um, ADHD test online? Because that’s not how diagnostic testing works.”

ADHD skeptics and critics don’t want to face the fact that one of the driving reasons neurotypical people flourished in life is because academic and workplace environments are mostly set up so only neurotypical people could thrive and prosper.

If there had ever been a proactive, organic nationwide movement to acknowledge and understand disabilities and work to equalize the playing field, then the Americans with Disabilities Act and the Individuals with Disabilities Education Act wouldn’t need to exist. Thankfully, legally mandated disability accommodations expand the chances of success to more people in the workplace, classroom, and other fields. However, with change comes unpredictability. Insecurity and fear drive prejudices and make ADHD accommodations difficult to obtain.

As for my family member who repeatedly attacked the credentials and professional licensure of the neuropsychologist who diagnosed me, I eventually got somewhat of an apology. “I think it’s really good you found ADHD. All of… that seems to be helping you.” I had no idea I had it so good.

ADHD Is Real: Next Steps

• Free Download: How Common Is ADHD in Adults?
• Read: The Definition of ADHD — Myths & Truths
• Read: The Controversy That Was Adult ADHD

Maria Reppas lives with her family on the East Coast. Visit her on Twitter and at mariareppas.com.

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“Procrasti-cleaning” is most appealing when I’m faced with a project that isn’t clear-cut. Cleaning feels like a comparatively easy win. If I spend five minutes tidying up my desk, it will look visibly improved. Five minutes of writing, however, doesn’t always leave me feeling like I’ve made any progress.

Having an easily distracted brain doesn’t help. As someone with ADHD, I spend a lot of my day modulating my attention. I notice, and then subsequently choose to ignore, many potential distractions. These distractions come from within (e.g., the spark of new ideas, recalling items on my to-do list) and elsewhere (e.g., stray socks on the floor, dirty dishes in the sink).

[Read: Why the ADHD Brain Chooses the Less Important Task]

It takes a lot of energy to keep focused on a task that doesn’t excite me. I can feel my thoughts ping-ponging, bouncing around the walls of my head. My mind desperately seeks anything – even cleaning – on which to latch.

Giving in to procrastination, even if it’s in the form of something productive like cleaning, doesn’t usually feel good. But one day – when facing another complex project that I dreaded – I asked myself, what if I give into my impulse to escape, but for a limited period?

I set a timer for 10 minutes and went on a cleaning and organizing spree. I let myself go wherever I felt, addressing anything that triggered me: a napkin that had fallen on the floor, laundry that needed to be put away, unpaid bills, texts that needed to be sent.

After the timer rang, I got to work on some writing. I felt noticeably calmer and focused because my space was tidier and less distracting. And having a small win from cleaning gave me the dopamine boost I needed to sit down for less linear work.

[Read: Stop Dodging That Dreaded Task! 9 Ways to Halt Avoidance Procrastination]

I now follow this practice regularly, especially after dropping off my youngest at preschool, when I have a couple hours to get some higher-level work done. Starting off my free time with puttering allows me to clear my mind and space first, which inevitably makes the rest of my time more productive.

Another benefit to The 10-Minute Putter? It feels a bit like unmasking. A lot of us with ADHD (women, especially) have learned to mask our stereotypically ADHD characteristics because they make us seem less responsible, intelligent, or successful. When I putter, I get to operate however I want, without the usual confines to which I restrict myself.

The next time you have a daunting project or a moment in which you don’t know where or how to start, I invite you to pull out a timer and putter (or procrasti-clean) for 10 minutes. I hope it helps you unleash more momentum, focus, and creativity in your work and life.

Productive Procrastination and ADHD: Next Steps

• Free Download: How to Stimulate Your ADHD Brain When Dopamine Dips
• Read: When Procrastination Is OK
• Read: How to Set Intentions to Crush Procrastination

SUPPORT ADDITUDE
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Why am I like this? Why is everything such a struggle?

These are the questions that would plague me as soon as I’d wake up. There would be an avalanche of tumbling thoughts accompanied by fruitless resolutions to do better today than I did yesterday and most of the days of the past 50 years of my life.

Shoulds and have-tos mounted before I even sat up in bed. Procrastination began immediately. Today, I’d proclaim, I’ll start getting ready as soon as I have my coffee. But… I didn’t. Merely getting into the shower was a battle. By the time I was ready, I was already running behind. Again.

Most of the days in my life looked like this. I’m an adult, I’d tell myself. I’ve been an adult for decades. So why can’t I ever manage to plug my intentions into my motor cortex and just DO things without an epic struggle through resistance?

As Brené Brown told Tim Ferriss: “Midlife… is not a crisis. It’s a slow, brutal unraveling.” For most of my life, cycles of procrastination and panic-induced productivity got me through things — more or less. But when I reached midlife, burnout was increasingly winning these battles. My old constant companion, anxiety, was just sort of there, hanging out like the parasite it was. Cranked up to 11, yes, but what good was it if it could no longer motivate me like it used to?

The Midlife Shift

Today, when I wake up, there’s no wave of anxiety, no dread of getting out of bed. I pour a cup of coffee and sit at my window, watching the birds. I take my time in the morning. My one rule for early mornings is to not engage in screen time right after waking. I sit and sip and let my mind wander.

[Download This Free Guide to Menopause and ADHD]

After journaling and meditating, it’s time for breakfast. I get ready at my own pace. My morning routine takes a long time, but I can afford to take my time. I schedule my days to allow it, because this is what my mind and body want. This sets the tone for the day.

Then comes work. I step gently through my to-do list, taking breaks when I need to. I switch tasks, working for a short block at each. The pacing is enough to prevent boredom and frustration, while still giving each task enough time to make some progress. I’m so much more consistent than I used to be; I make a little progress on each project each day. No more default procrastination, unable to start a task until I’m right up against — or past — an appointment or a deadline, then relying on intense stress to push through.

What changed?

An ADHD Diagnosis After Menopause

I was diagnosed with ADHD at the age of 52. Like many women with ADHD, I was diagnosed after menopause, when a drop in hormones makes symptoms much more apparent. Despite no medical professional ever spotting it before, my ADHD, as my diagnostician put it, “isn’t subtle.” He had to walk me through a meltdown over the phone when I couldn’t get through the questionnaire for my evaluation.

I’ll never forget the sense of gratification and relief I felt as I looked at his report. I read his clinical judgments for the degree of impairment for each symptom: “Severe.” “Severe.” “Severe.” Or sometimes, “Moderate to severe.”

[We Demand Attention: A Call for Research on ADHD and the Menopausal Transition]

After learning what having ADHD really meant — being wired for executive functioning difficulties — I was finally able to be compassionate and accepting toward the way I operated. My struggles and limitations started to make sense.

Starting Over

I tried a thought experiment: What if I start to regard all my supposed flaws and weaknesses — my absentmindedness, my inability to focus, the way I was always running late, how desperately hard it was to start any task — as features I simply have to work with, with no moral condemnation attached to them?

This was a major reversal from the way I had previously moved through my life. This meant starting over with a mindset that I hadn’t had since almost before my earliest memories. And with that, everything shifted.

I started to schedule around my energy levels, instead of what I thought I “should” be able to do. For example, I stopped thinking of 40-hour (or more) work weeks as somehow being optimal. Instead, I asked myself what I could do with part-time hours, so that I could live without constant burnout.

By understanding executive dysfunction and the constant fatigue of working with a very messy high-octane brain, I radically dialed back my demands of myself. I learned to work within my window of tolerance.

I stopped thinking of my energy limits as temporary obstacles, to be dismissed or plowed through. This was my wiring. It’s not going to change. This is what I have to work with.

Midlife ADHD and Menopause: Next Steps

• Free Download: Women, Hormones, & ADHD
• Read: ADHD Impairment Peaks in Menopause
• Read: Hormonal Changes & ADHD — A Lifelong Tug-of-War

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I pack my things into my mini backpack and out the door I go. This is the beginning of a 4.75-mile rumination out in beautiful nature, with a quarter mile at the end reserved for noticing and enjoying said nature — 112 minutes of rumination and 8 minutes of awe.

Life is good. The weather is clear and welcoming. The trail is all mine. These are perfect conditions to start my dive into a deep, negative, ruminative trance. Soon I’ll be sucked into an intricately engineered inner-dialogue of ADHD angst, despair, and huffy ire — exactly what you’d want to be doing on a walk through the open-air beauty of the outdoors.

Not.

My Ruminations: Negative ADHD Thoughts Galore

My ADHD ruminations are usually born from a simple thought that bugs me just enough to spur further thought. Soon this little bug-thought grows into a goliath insect that lumbers like a creepy thing beside me for most of my precious time on the trail. Life is short. Trail walks are even shorter. Ruminations are hungry wasps that will eat up all my time if I let them.

My walking ruminations tend to be hypothetical conversations with people in my life — central or peripheral. I invent their words and my responses to them. None of it is real, it’s negative or positive, and it continues unabated because it feels impossible to halt.

[Read: 9 Calming Strategies for a Racing, Restless Mind]

At times, my ruminations are practice-talk for the future, which can be a good thing. I might practice what I’d say in a personal conversation, an ADHD coaching session with a client, or a presentation. These are helpful. Other times, these imaginary dialogues bring me down because they trash the opportunity to be positive. They invent and reinforce worst-case scenarios. They also trick my brain into thinking that my life really is a negative soup — all based on a complete fabrication.

It’s a Pattern: Putting a Stop to Negative Thoughts

Ruminations take over my mind and it feels as if I have no choice — but I do. But how do I choose if I don’t always realize I have options?

In the book ADHD 2.0, Edward Hallowell, M.D., and John Ratey, M.D., explain how our ADHD brains spend more time in the Default Mode Network (DMN) than does a non-ADHD brain. This DMN is where we generate our creative thinking — for better and for worse. My active DMN is what the trees along my walking trail can thank for my loud kvetching as I pass by.

But I knew all this and yet kept walking and fretting. Then, one day, a wave of nostalgia hit me when a song came on my phone during one of my rumination walks. It was a song I listened to during my COVID walks when the world shut down. Just as it did on those pandemic walks, the tune sparked in me a practiced response: teary-eyed sadness.

[Read: How to Stop Overthinking Things — A User’s Manual for Your ADHD Brain]

Then it hit me: Wait a second. There is no sad situation right now. COVID and that challenging time is over. That song was sparking an old, habituated response and it dawned on me that this was akin to what my ruminations do. They spur in me a practiced response to something that isn’t there. It’s a mirage, fake, not true. It showed me how far from reality my mind can stray, and how easily and quickly it gets there.

“Steph,” I said, “you don’t have to practice this response all the time. You don’t have to practice it at all.”

So, on that walk, I didn’t. I let it go. I squelched the beginnings of a new rumination. I quieted my mind because suddenly I saw that my reality was quite peaceful and secure. There were trees and birds. There was sun and a special time I could spend in nature. In that moment, I moved from ruminator extraordinaire to grateful me because, for once, I could just be without the struggle. I can’t describe how freeing that was.

Ruminating Thoughts and ADHD: Next Steps

• Free Download: 9 Truths About ADHD and Intense Emotions
• Read: How to Stop Catastrophizing — A Guide for ADHD Worriers
• Read: ADHD Lessons from Ultrarunning — Accept Help and Support Your Needs
• Read: Putting a Stop to Toxic Thoughts

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For most of my life, I did not have the knowledge I needed to understand myself and counterbalance pervasive negative messaging that made me feel inherently defective and ashamed. Post-diagnosis, it still takes a lot of effort to notice and rectify harmful, anti-neurodivergent messaging from those close to me and from wider society.

I’ve been on a journey to drain my seemingly bottomless pool of shame, and it’s not a linear process. There are days I revert to child-me, hiding in my bathroom, feeling small, powerless, and voiceless. What helps me is to speak to that little girl and tell her all the things I wish I heard growing up — things that would have helped me break the difference = shame equation that crystallized in my young mind.

Dear Younger Self: What All Girls with ADHD Need to Hear

1. You are strong. Strength is not the absence of fear. Strength is having fears and going outside your comfort zone anyway. It takes strength and courage to show your vulnerability. Your differences, challenges, and even your perceived blunders are signs of strength and determination!

2. There’s no singular “right way” of doing things. There are many ways to do things and many paths to get you where you want to go.

[Read: What Are the Consequences of Late-Life ADHD Diagnoses for Women?]

3. Some things are super hard, and you can ask for help if you need it. Asking for help doesn’t mean you are a failure, or that you are weak or a burden to others. I know you want to push through all on your own, because people always tell you to “try harder” or “have more discipline,” which makes you feel guilty. To be honest, that’s bad advice because they don’t know how hard you’re trying. I really need you to not be so hard on yourself, to learn to ask for help – everyone struggles with some things in life and it’s OK. And when you find yourself struggling, remember that you have plenty of other strengths and skills to celebrate!

4. Trust yourself! Your intuition – it is trustworthy. Your feelings – they are valid. Your voice – you don’t need permission to use it, and it’s OK to struggle to express yourself verbally; it’s something that takes practice and you’ll get better at it.

5. Shame tells us to hide. Don’t. Look it in the eye, say no, thank you, and tell it to leave. I know you try hard to be a “good girl” and make your parents proud, but it’s OK to break out of the mold and color outside the lines. You have a right to claim space. You have things to show and teach the world! Let people know the real you!

6. You are not alone in your feelings. If you feel lonely, insecure, or misunderstood, chances are others do, too! Sometimes you can have a lot of feelings, and it can be tough to contain them all. When you share how you feel, it helps you make sense of your emotions. And you give others the chance to help you, and to share their vulnerabilities.

[Read: 42 Raw Confessions from Women with ADHD]

7. It’s a beautiful thing to be a sensitive soul. You feel things deeply, you tune into people’s emotions, and wear your heart on your sleeve. That’s not a bad thing, though it does mean you can feel hurt and rejected when others don’t treat you the way you want to be treated. Just remember people have different levels of sensitivity. Some people struggle to be sensitive, while you have easy access to this quality and the gifts it presents, like being creative and empathetic.

8. Don’t try to be like everyone else. It’s normal to want to fit in with others, especially when you are growing up. But people love you for who you are. They love your light, your creativity, your uniqueness. Continue being your playful self!

9. You don’t need to be perfect to be loved. You are enough. Just the way you are. Enjoy the process rather than focusing on the results. Embrace imperfection — it will teach you to let go of self-criticism. It’s totally OK to be imperfect and to fail, and you will still be loved and accepted for who you are.

10. I am proud of you. Your value is not in what you achieve, but in who you are as a person. Your heart and your spirit. I am proud of who you are. I am proud of you for always trying things even though they may be hard for you.

11. I love you!

Spoiler alert: I still struggle and I don’t have it all figured out. I still need to repeat these nuggets of advice to myself each day. But the imaginary exercise of speaking to my younger self has helped me to understand where my limiting beliefs came from and to choose the words that help change my narratives.

Unlearning ingrained thought patterns is hard work. But repeating these things to myself and being my own advocate has made me kinder to myself and more authentically me. I hope it helps you, too.

I also made a comic about this very topic! You can read it in full here.

Healing Your Inner Child: Next Steps

• Read: “Dear 10-Year-Old Me, Just Be You.”
• Join ADDitude’s Call! We Demand Attention on Sex Differences in ADHD
• Read: Stop the Cycle of Shame for Girls with ADHD
• Read: How to Raise a Self-Confident Daughter

Illustrations courtesy of Juliette Yu-Ming Lizeray.

SUPPORT ADDITUDE
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If you’re a mom who is raising children with ADHD, you may have complicated feelings about Mother’s Day. You may feel unnoticed and left out on this day, as the unique challenges and joys of caring for a neurodivergent child aren’t often widely represented. A “thank you” from your little one would be wonderful, you say. Then again, you also recognize that your child may have trouble expressing their thoughts and how they really feel about you, much less planning and executing breakfast in bed.

So this one’s for the amazing moms who are always in their kiddo’s corner, no matter what. The heartfelt thanks your kid would give you if they had the words (even if they accidentally forgot about Mother’s Day)? They’re all here:

[Read: What ADHD Moms Really Want This Mother’s Day]

5 Things Your ADHD Kiddo Really Means to Tell You on Mother’s Day

1. Thank you for understanding me. “Mom, you always try to understand me, even when I’m all over the place. I know it’s not always easy, but you make me feel like I’m okay just the way I am.”

2. I appreciate how you keep me organized. “The way you help me stay organized and on track is a lifesaver. Your checklists and reminders really help me, even if I don’t always show it.”

3. I admire your calmness. “When I get overwhelmed or upset, you stay so calm. It helps me feel safe and helps me calm down, too. You have this magic way of making everything better.”

4. I’m sorry for the tough days. “I know there are days when I really test your patience, and I’m sorry. Thank you for sticking with me through the tantrums, the meltdowns, and everything else.”

[Read: “Dear Mom of a Newly Diagnosed Kid with ADHD”]

5. Thanks for believing in me, even when I don’t believe in myself. “You always believe I can do great things, even when I mess up or get distracted. Knowing that you believe in me makes me feel like I can do anything.”

They might not thank you this Mother’s Day, but someday they will — whether through their words or actions. Until then, I’m here to remind you just how much you mean.

Mother’s Day & ADHD Families: Next Steps

• Read: 10 Thoughtul Mother’s Day Gift Ideas
• Read: “To My Kids: A Love Letter from Your Scatterbrained, Unpredictable, Truly Lucky Mom”
• Read: Overwhelmed Mom Syndrome — It’s a Real Thing
• Read: What Your Child Would Tell You About ADHD If They Had the Words

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The Benefits of Play

Play – engaging in a fun, amusing, entertaining, activity for the joy of it – is an effective way to boost the feel-good hormone dopamine that so many ADHD brains crave. Dopamine reduces stress and brings calm, promotes creativity and cooperation, and even reduces inflammation. Play can also individuals help break out of hyperfocus, which can lead to ADHD burnout if left uninterrupted. Play allows the body and mind to rest, process, and restore its energy to make it through another day.

Fitting in Play

Play isn’t just for children. It’s as important as everything else on your to-do list. But what counts as play? According to Peter Gray, Ph.D., the psychologist and author, play is:

[Read: The Perils of All Work, No Play]

• self-chosen and self-directed
• intrinsically motivated rather that outcome based
• guided by mental rules that leave room for creativity
• imaginative
• conducted in an alert, active, but relatively non-stressed frame of mind

The possibilities for play, it seems, are endless! All things creative and artistic fit – from playing an instrument and painting to building puzzles and making up games. Still, integrating play through the day can seem impossible with a busy schedule. In her TEDx Talk “Play: The Cure for Burnout,” Acey Holmes, CEO of BoredLess, suggests weaving play into everyday situations and responsibilities to make them interesting or entertaining. Some ideas include the following:

• Listen to your favorite music while doing chores or work duties – and perhaps break out in dance while you’re at it.
• Institute play breaks in between tasks. One of my clients loves the Paint by Number coloring app to let her mind wander creatively through the day. Setting an alarm may prevent your mind from wandering so far off track that it can’t return.
• In the spaces where you get work done, introduce appealing scents and imagery you find fun or inspiring.
• Equip your workspace with toys (anything from LEGOs to fidgets) that light up your brain.
• Play a harmless prank on family members to get everyone’s laughter going.

Whichever way you integrate play into your life, know that it is a powerful way to manage stress and increase productivity and joy — ADHD or otherwise. Even if things feel overwhelming, try looking for at least one way to play each day. You may be surprised by how easy it is to rediscover play once you pay attention to it.

Portions of this post were inspired by my book: Powered by ADHD: Strategies and Exercises for Women to Harness Their Untapped Gifts.

How to Be Playful: Next Steps

• Read: 7 Keys to Living a Happy Life with ADHD
• Read: 5 Ways to Play Away ADHD Boredom
• Read: Are You a Player?

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References

Quintero, Olga L., et al. “Autoimmune disease and gender: plausible mechanisms for the female predominance of autoimmunity.” Journal of autoimmunity 38.2-3 (2012): J109-J119.

Brauer, K., Scherrer, T., & Proyer, R. T. (2021). Testing the Associations Between Adult Playfulness and Sensation Seeking: A SEM Analysis of Librarians and Police Officers. Frontiers in psychology, 12, 667165. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2021.667165

On the flip side, mothers were portrayed as multitasking heroes who kept their families and homes from falling apart. Sure, these are stereotypes, but they’re mostly grounded in real-life expectations. Women are supposed to be the tidy, organized, and dependable ones. When you need help with homework, Mom’s the first one you ask. When you can’t find something, Mom knows where it is. When you need a special cake for your birthday, Mom can make it just right.

For a woman like me who struggles with ADHD, these expectations can be painful. Daddy is the one who keeps things running around here. He’s the organized and calm one. I do a lot. But if it weren’t for him, we’d have ice cream melting in the refrigerator.

[Read: “Housekeeping Is Not Motherhood.”]

I’m fairly traditional. I worked from home with my kids for years by choice. I wanted to cook their meals from scratch, but I almost always left out a crucial ingredient. I was there every time they pulled out a new board game, but I had a hard time sitting down and reading the instructions. I took them to fun places, but it was never a stress-free event. This mama forgot water bottles, diapers, wet wipes, and validation tickets. At some point, I realized I was the Dumb Dad.

For a long time, guilt and feelings of inadequacy plagued me. Not anymore. I’m so grateful to have a husband who grounds me. And with his support, I’m learning self-love.

The Dumb Dad may be bumbling, but he’s also adored. The kids never hold his cluelessness against him because his benevolence is clear. As my kids get older, they’re learning that their mom struggles with some things. And they know that it’s perfectly okay.

I’ve stopped trying to follow recipes or fix remotes. I’m focusing on the things I do well. I’m showing my daughter with ADHD all the tips I’ve learned to make life easier. I’m teaching her about civics and history, where I thrive. I’m hyperfocusing when my children need it, whether they’ve got a mysterious rash or someone needs to convince the city to put crossing guards at the school. I’m dancing and singing to all the kids’ songs because I’m a goofball like them and I know all the words.

I’m not the most organized mom, but I love my children more than anything on this earth. And they know it.

Gender Stereotypes and ADHD: Next Steps

• Read: The Motherhood Myth Is Crushing Women with ADHD
• Read: A Self-Care Guide for Moms with ADHD Raising Kids with ADHD
• Read: 12 Hurtful, Misogynistic Comments Women with ADHD Hear
• Read: To My Kids — A Love Letter from Your Scatterbrained, Unpredictable, Truly Lucky Mom

SUPPORT ADDITUDE
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It began with an Adderall shortage in 2022. Today, prescriptions for many stimulant medications used as the first-line treatment of ADHD are consistently and frustratingly difficult to fill. So it’s unsurprising that ADHD features prominently in the majority of public comments submitted to the Federal Trade Commission (FTC) by stakeholders impacted by long-term medication shortages involved in the treatment of many conditions, including cancer. ADHD patients demand attention on their suffering.

But, by inviting public testimony on the stimulant shortage and pharmaceutical practices, I believe the FTC is only trying to find cover for the Drug Enforcement Administration (DEA). The DEA is the only governmental agency that sets production and distribution quotas for every drug company manufacturing controlled medication. The DEA decides how much of each medication can be released to pharmacies in any given month. Therefore, this problem traces its roots and long tendrils back to the DEA alone. No other agency has the authority to create and prolong it.

The DEA meets with every company that markets a controlled substance each March and April to determine how much of that company’s product can be released each month in the following calendar year. This process tries to predict in March of 2024 how much medication will be needed 21 months later in December of 2025. It is a crude and inadequate system that the DEA is too inflexible to relinquish.

For as long as the United States government has wrestled with combatting the distribution and use of illicit drugs, the DEA has used only one tactic — restricting the amount of drugs available to be sold legally. Now, the DEA is using the same playbook for ADHD stimulants.

Roots of the Adderall Shortage

Two years ago, the DEA decided that ADHD stimulants were being diverted and abused on a large scale, though there was virtually no evidence to support this belief. Studies have shown that a number of people (statistics vary) try stimulants but do not continue to take them without a prescription. About 90% of the diverted immediate-release stimulants are used by a narrow demographic: white male college students who use the drugs so they can stay awake. The medications are not being abused by people with ADHD, many of whom consider the drugs a lifeline for daily functioning.

[Read: Call to Action! Speak Up to End the ADHD Drug Shortage]

The DEA’s skepticism also came on the heels of increased rates of ADHD diagnosis and as a response to online providers who were sloppy about prescribing ADHD stimulants during the pandemic. The online clinics, however, never accounted for more than 1% of all prescriptions issued. And that problem was solved more than two years ago.

The DEA also observed that the number of people taking ADHD medications had been growing by 10% a year for 15 years. The growth rose largely from adults being diagnosed in later life. The relative number of children and adolescents taking stimulants has not changed in 20 years.

The DEA’s apparent logic behind its sweeping decisions was that these adults were abusing prescription stimulants, disregarding the well-documented evidence that ADHD persists after childhood. The rate of diagnosis and medication treatment is rising faster in every European country as well.  In the last year for which I had access to the drug company marketing studies (2014), the average age of diagnosis of ADHD was 31.

The DEA does not bother with facts. Its answer to this increased level of prescriptions: Decrease the amount of drug available regardless of consequences. Even when it became abundantly clear that placing quotas on drug companies had been a disastrous decision, the DEA did not reverse course. Even if the DEA decided in April to raise the allotments of drugs released to pharmacies, its current flawed and inflexible distribution mechanism would not allow for an increase until January 2025.

[Download: The Ultimate Guide to ADHD Medication]

I strongly suspect that the FTC is looking for an agency other than the DEA to blame. First, it said the drug companies were not making enough medication. But the drug companies were making and distributing as much as the DEA allowed them to. The idea that the drug companies were forgoing billions of dollars of profit was always unbelievable. Then the blame was laid on raw material shortages, but after two years, that explanation became hard to believe as well.

Then the FTC, FDA, and DEA blamed the telemedicine-only clinics that sprang up during the pandemic. However, the bad actors in this area have all closed down. Still, there has been no improvement in the shortage.

The time has long since passed for the DEA to admit its fault and fix its broken quota system. There has already been too much needless suffering by innocent people who did nothing to cause the DEA’s restrictions.

Give Your Input on the Drug Shortage

The deadline to submit public RFI comments to the FTC and U.S. Department of Health and Human Services (HHS) is May 30, 2024. Add your testimony at www.regulations.gov. (Direct link to the comment section)

The public can also demand an end to the ADHD medication shortage by writing letters to representatives, the DEA, and the FDA using templates provided by ADDitude.

Adderall Shortage & DEA: Next Steps

• News: ADHD Medication Shortage Comments Top Government Inquiry
• Download: ADHD Treatment Scorecard from ADDitude Readers
• Blog: “This Cannot Be the Price We Pay to Function.”
• Hub: Stimulant Shortage

SUPPORT ADDITUDE
Thank you for reading ADDitude. To support our mission of providing ADHD education and support, please consider subscribing. Your readership and support help make our content and outreach possible. Thank you.

Earning my doctoral degree was no easy feat. From navigating social interactions and managing sensory sensitivities to coping with a learning disability, every step felt like a battle against the odds. I came face-to-face many times with imposter syndrome, intrusive thoughts, and task paralysis.

But with unwavering support from mentors and peers – along with my own inner strength and a desire to make a change – this journey ultimately become one of triumph, resilience, and unrelenting advocacy.

[Read: “Could I Be Autistic, Too?” Signs of Autism in Women with ADHD]

A Novel Tool to Improve Workplace Inclusivity

During my Ph.D. research, I became acutely aware of the lack of understanding and support for individuals with invisible disabilities in the workplace and its consequences. Too often, stigma and stereotypes prevent talented individuals from reaching their full potential, leaving them feeling marginalized and misunderstood instead.

Determined to address this issue, I developed a tool for employers called the Workplace Invisible Disability Experience (WIDE) survey. This survey aims to assess the experiences of employees with invisible disabilities in the workplace by shedding light on the challenges they face and identifying areas for improvement. By collecting data and raising awareness, the WIDE survey empowers organizations to recognize and address the barriers that prevent a thriving and inclusive environment.

Advocacy’s Many Forms

Advocacy is not just about raising awareness; it’s also about action. That’s why I took the initiative to establish a disability ERG (Employee Resource Group) in my workplace. This group serves as a platform for disabled employees to come together, share their experiences, and advocate for positive change. Through awareness campaigns, training sessions, and policy initiatives, our ERG works to create more inclusive and accommodating workplaces for all.

Education is another crucial aspect of advocacy, which is why I am committed to continuing to educate and inform others about invisible disabilities. Through speaking engagements, workshops, and training sessions, I aim to dispel myths, challenge stereotypes, and promote a culture of acceptance and understanding.

[Read: How I’m Improving the Workplace for Adults with Autism]

I am most excited to be a speaker at AutisticaPalooza, a multi-day conference that delves into a diverse range of topics by and for autistic women. By sharing my own experiences and insights, I hope to inspire others to embrace neurodiversity and work toward a more inclusive future.

A Transformative Journey

Completing my Ph.D. was just the beginning of my transformative journey of self-discovery, resilience, and empowerment. As I continue to advocate for change, I am driven by a vision of a world where individuals with invisible disabilities are valued, respected, and empowered to reach their full potential. I am confident that together, we can create a more inclusive and equitable world for all.

Autism Advocacy: Next Steps

• Free eBook: The Guide to Autism in Adults
• Read: An Open Conversation with Temple Grandin
• Read: ADHD and Adult Autism – Symptoms, Diagnosis & Interventions for Both
• Read: “A Living Contradiction” Stories of the AuDHD Experience

SUPPORT ADDITUDE
Thank you for reading ADDitude. To support our mission of providing ADHD education and support, please consider subscribing. Your readership and support help make our content and outreach possible. Thank you.

Distance runners anticipate difficulties and know to support themselves in any way possible to get to the finish line. It’s a given – they don’t think twice about it and don’t get hung up on it, either.

In our daily lives, especially as folks with ADHD, we fall into the trap of thinking we don’t need help, or that we’re wimpy if we accept help or create supportive structures for ourselves. Others don’t need this, we think.

Here’s that flawed logic applied to running: Why does the newbie runner need to stop and rest every half mile? The ultrarunner can go many miles before needing to stop. Therefore, the newbie must be a wimp, or worse, incapable.

A non-runner might assume this of a newbie, but ultrarunners know this couldn’t be farther from the truth. An early runner has needs, just as a later-stage runner does. Needs are needs.

[Read: Silence Your Harshest Critic — Yourself]

Once five miles becomes easy-peasy for the early runner, they realize they only arrived at that point because they gave themselves what they needed to be someone who can run five miles. With that experience, they’ll readily tell the next newbie runner to make sure to stop and rest the legs and heart every half mile. It’s the only way to get to five miles.

Needs are Needs: When Ultrarunning Meets Real Life

This logic – of supporting our needs to become who we want to be – applies to anything and everything. If we accept a tutor to help us, then eventually we’ll be someone who got through a class instead of one who didn’t. If we fully show up to therapy or coaching, then we eventually become someone who tackles the challenges in front of us instead of skirting them. If we externalize the content of our brains with systems, we become someone who forgets less rather than someone who continues to forget.

Guess who all these early-stage self-supporters become? People who make inroads into becoming the kind of person who has wins, and those wins beget more wins. The more support, the more wins.

I got to the point in my abilities as a runner that I would have said yes, without a second thought, if you asked me to run a 50-miler the following weekend.

When you read the prior sentence, did you picture me as someone who was so trained that I needed a lot less than an early-stage runner? I’ll let you in on a secret: I was a running diva. I had far more available at hand than an early-stage runner could imagine was possible. The more experienced I got, the more I learned how much support was out there to take for myself — and I took it.

[Read: My 25 Rules for Life — a Practical Cure for ADHD Shame and Stagnation]

I say this all the time to people: Do you think successful people have more support or less? They have far more, and it’s because they’re more likely to ask for it and give it to themselves.

Why would it be any different for us when the road to success means we’ll need to support our ADHD and account for our needs?

It wouldn’t.

The Long Haul with ADHD

Remembering to hand in work, showing up on time at work, getting out of a rabbit hole, staying on task, organizing our workspace, regulating our emotions — these are our daily five-mile runs.

Graduating from school, nabbing a promotion at work, becoming an accomplished person, becoming a person who has practiced options for staying calm in stressful situations — these are our long-distance runs.

The only way to become a champion — in anything — is to give ourselves what we need to push through. As you run your own race, take any and all support without question, without apology. That’s a champion mindset.

ADHD Life Lessons: Next Steps

• Read: 20 Rules to Live By — My ADHD Life Guide
• Read: Sports Psychology Tricks That Work for ADHD Brains
• Read: Your Strengths Inventory — Repairing Self-Esteem After an ADHD Diagnosis

SUPPORT ADDITUDE
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In 2014, I experienced a heartbreaking loss when my dear friend, Erin, essentially a sister to me, tragically took her own life at age 17. Erin was a remarkable individual filled with spunk, love, and empathy. Despite her supportive family, try-anything attitude, and impressive musical and culinary talents (her pasta dishes were truly legendary!), Erin struggled with social challenges and making friends. She was often excluded from weekend plans and parties, and she lacked a peer confidante to share her joys and passions. The complexities of social interaction, so effortless to neurotypical individuals, were often a puzzle for Erin — a reality she lived daily and felt deeply.

Making Friends with Autism Spectrum Disorder

Out of the tragedy of her death emerged Erin’s Hope for Friends, a non-profit organization dedicated to fostering friendships among individuals with ASD. At Erin’s Hope for Friends, we believe in the profound impact of genuine connections. True friends accept you for who you are, quirks and all, providing a sanctuary free from judgment. Finding friends who embrace each individual’s differences can be transformative, instilling a sense of belonging and confidence.

[Self-Test: Is My Child Autistic?]

Erin’s Hope for Friends offers dynamic social programs known as e’s Clubs virtually and in Atlanta, Georgia, and Lexington, Kentucky. These clubs provide a welcoming, safe space for autistic teens and young adults (ages 12 to 24) to connect and engage in various activities tailored to their interests. From Foosball to karaoke to crafts to video games, e’s Clubs offer diverse activities to foster interaction and camaraderie. If you visit a club, it only takes a very short period to witness the joy they create. Currently serving more than 500 members annually, our clubs continue to grow and thrive.

The potential for Erin’s Hope for Friends and e’s Clubs — and other groups like it —  is limitless. By expanding our reach nationwide, we aim to significantly impact the autistic community by challenging stereotypes, promoting neurodiversity acceptance, and ultimately creating a space for our members to make life-changing connections.

If you’re passionate about supporting individuals with autism in their quest for friendship and acceptance, I encourage you to check out Erin’s Hope for Friends or another similar organization. Together, we can celebrate abilities, challenge societal norms, and empower individuals to navigate the landscape of friendship with confidence and joy. After all, it just takes one good friend to change the course of a life.

Autism in the Workplace: Next Steps

• Download: Free Resource: Autism Evaluation Checklist
• Watch:  An Open Conversation with Temple Grandin – Autism Expert, Author, and Scientist
• Read: Autism and ADHD: The Complete Playbook for Social Challenges
• Blog: “I Grew Up Gifted and Autistic — and Suffered the Burnout of Twice Exceptionality”

SUPPORT ADDITUDE
Thank you for reading ADDitude. To support our mission of providing ADHD education and support, please consider subscribing. Your readership and support help make our content and outreach possible. Thank you.

In our excitement playing cards, we got too noisy and woke up the toddler. There was laughter and arguing. There was winning and losing.

I’d like to say my son, Ocean, was a gracious winner. I’d also like to say that I’m never a sore loser. Regardless, I was elated that we were playing – win or lose. I never thought my kid would land on card games as a special interest. And I know it won’t last, so I’m savoring these precious moments with extra gratitude.

Special Interests: My Son’s Rotating Fascinations

Ocean has autism and ADHD. Rather than sticking to one deep and abiding interest or bouncing around several interests at once (like me), he cycles through a different obsession every few months. There are some that repeat, like soccer, BEYBLADES, and various video games. I’m always happy when Pokémon comes up in the rotation.

My husband and I have always joined him in his interests, even when (as a baby) he just wanted to stare at the spinning ceiling fan. I’ll admit I didn’t enjoy spinning wheels on baby strollers when that was his fixation, and his interest in other peoples’ soccer balls didn’t make us popular at the playground. (On the other hand, soccer balls do have really cool designs, especially the Jabulani and Brazuca. Do you know how hard it is to find an original Jabulani? Can you guess how many hours I spent bidding on eBay?) While I didn’t love subway trips to a busy intersection to watch the pedestrian traffic light count down, he’s now traveling alone on public transportation – something I never imagined then.

When my son finds a new special interest, it feels a bit like opening a Christmas gift. I have no idea what it will be, but I know it will surprise me… and that it will get old eventually.

[Read: Autism vs. ADHD — A Parent’s Guide to Tricky Diagnoses]

I’ve observed the pattern. He learns all the planets and moves on to galaxies. He maps the states, then the world… But his fixation doesn’t hold; eventually, he gets restless. He spends a few weeks absentmindedly dabbling until something grabs his attention again. I have no influence on his infatuations, or how long he will stay interested in each one. I’ve tried. It backfires. I don’t think he has much say in what grabs him either.

The one time I successfully held the line was when hot peppers became his interest. When his own pediatrician told us that eating too many of them raw could cause internal damage, my own gut wrenched and I felt like the worst parent ever. Nope. No more. I told him, “You can talk about Scoville heat units, you can draw and categorize and research peppers to your heart’s delight, but no more raw spicy pepper eating challenges under my roof!” I value autonomy, but I value his health more. It wasn’t easy, but we moved on, with his stomach lining intact.

Was Celebrating My Son’s Special Interests Wrong?

Ocean was first flagged for early intervention at 13 months. He wasn’t crawling on all fours or showing any signs of walking.

It would be a while before I put all the pieces together: developmental delays, social differences, special interests, sensory avoidance, and difficulty regulating emotions. Still, we hadn’t considered autism. I even brushed off an evaluator who casually mentioned “red flags for autism” when Ocean lined up a set of toy cars instead of playing with them as expected.

[Read: Is My Child with ADHD on the Autism Spectrum?]

Then he went to preschool, where was expected to do things that were not his absolute favorite. The stimulation was a lot for him. He was having multiple meltdowns a day and struggled mightily with transitions. Even with the support of a 1-to-1 special education teacher, he barely endured the year.

At a new special-education school, his teacher asked for reward ideas that could motivate him. When I told her how much he liked letters and numbers, she was dismissive. “But that’s just stimming,” she said. I was speechless.

My confidence eroded. I started to think that all our celebrating of Ocean’s fascinations had been wrong. I wondered if I should have steered him away from the things that gave him comfort and joy. But I couldn’t. I loved to see the spark in him when he engaged with his true loves.

That year was damaging for both of us, and with perspective I am glad to have learned this lesson: Just because someone has a degree, doesn’t mean they are an expert – and they certainly aren’t an expert in your child.

Celebrating My Son’s Special Interests – and Strengths

We moved on to a more enlightened and neurodiversity-affirming elementary school, and my education in celebrating neurodiversity began. Those teachers and therapists brought Ocean’s interests into everything. They encouraged his strengths and nudged him along in his challenges. They partnered with us parents, and it felt like almost every professional truly cared about my son. He thrived.

Still, being neurodivergent in an ableist world is hard, and we leaned on supports as we overcame one struggle after another.

He’s moving on to high school next year, and I want to share a reflection with parents of younger neurodivergent kids: The problems fade with time, especially when you focus on encouraging their strengths. The glimmers of joy are what I recall, like snapshots.

When Ocean wasn’t meeting developmental milestones and was having multiple meltdowns a day, I never could have imagined this scene: my siblings, nieces, parents, all playing a card game that Ocean had organized and taught them, and all having a blast!

I can’t think of anyone with whom I’d rather stare at the fan, draw soccer balls, line up numbers, or play cards.

Special Interests, Autism, and ADHD: Next Steps

• Take this Self-Test: Is My Child Autistic? Signs of Autism Spectrum Disorder
• Free Download: Bonding Activity Ideas for ADHD Families
• Read: What Does Autism Spectrum Disorder Look Like in Children?
• Read: Autism and ADHD – the Complete Playbook for Social Challenges

SUPPORT ADDITUDE
Thank you for reading ADDitude. To support our mission of providing ADHD education and support, please consider subscribing. Your readership and support help make our content and outreach possible. Thank you.