Rising from ADHD Burnout: A Recovery Kit for Women
Eight steps to recover from burnout and break the exhaustion cycle.
ADHD Burnout: Key Takeaways
- Women with ADHD experience acute burnout due to executive dysfunction, gender role expectations, hormonal fluctuations, and perfectionism.
- Signs of burnout include feelings of exhaustion, overwhelm, and cynicism, as well as physical signs like headaches, insomnia, and gut issues.
- To recover from burnout, question its roots, set boundaries, learn to ask for help, monitor hormonal changes and energy fluctuations, and cultivate self-compassion.
Why Women with ADHD Experience Acute Burnout
Do you feeling tired or drained most of the time?
Do you feel like running away?
Do you struggle with procrastination? Does it take you longer to get things done these days?
These are all signs of burnout, a state of physical and emotional exhaustion that women with ADHD experience far too often. We’re prone to feeling chronically stressed for the following reasons:
- Executive dysfunction causes us to lose track of time, procrastinate, become easily distracted, double-book ourselves, make impulsive decisions, and assign importance to everything, among other headaches. As Casey Dixon, an ADHD coach, writes, “In other words, people who have ADHD burn more cognitive energy to get through the activities of their lives.”
- Emotional dysregulation causes us to experience big feelings that consume our thoughts and drain our energy. We struggle to control those feelings, which makes us vulnerable to overwhelm, rumination, and stress. It’s hard to set boundaries, for example, when we’re so sensitive to rejection.
- Gender roles and expectations. We’re often at the helm of our families and households while juggling our careers and other responsibilities.
- Hormonal fluctuations. The rise and fall of estrogen through the menstrual cycle directly impacts not just our energy levels, but ADHD symptoms, too, as does menopause. What’s more, PMS and PMDD disproportionately impact women with ADHD.
- Perfectionism. We’re self-critical and rarely demonstrate self-compassion for the challenges we face. Instead, try to compensate for and/or mask our challenges, which prevents us from slowing down and resting. Imposter syndrome is common.
- Dopamine chasing. Our need for stimulation can drive us to explore lots of interests and hobbies, but it can also manifest as phone addiction, substance use, and other unhealthy behaviors that interfere with functioning.
All of the above are much worse for women with undiagnosed ADHD, who don’t have the benefit of knowing why they spend days, weeks, even months feeling exhausted, drained, overwhelmed, and despondent.
[Are You Burned Out? Take This Self-Test to Find Out]
The Signs of Burnout
Burnout has a way of stealthily creeping in. We often don’t know that we’re approaching burnout until it’s too late. But the signs are there. Our body is always speaking to us, and we must learn its language. Signs of burnout include but are not limited to the following:
Emotional Signs of Burnout
- feeling tired or drained most of the time
- feeling overwhelmed
- feeling like dropping it all and running away
- feeling detached and/or lonely
- disconnecting from friends and family
- thinking constant negative thoughts; having a cynical outlook
- feeling on edge or anxious
- feeling helpless
- feeling unable to “switch off”
Physical Signs of Burnout
- headaches and migraines
- insomnia
- back/neck/shoulder pain
- gut issues
- recurrent illness
- jaw clenching
How to Recover from Burnout and Break the Exhaustion Cycle
1. Question the Roots of Burnout
If your job is the primary cause of your burnout, as it is for so many of us, (the World Health Organization recognizes burnout as an “occupational phenomenon”) ask yourself the following questions:
- What triggers me to overwork? For many people, overworking is tied to feelings of inadequacy and imposter syndrome on the job. Fear of rejection (tied to rejection sensitive dysphoria) may also be involved.
- Am I setting reasonable expectations for myself? Examine your perfectionistic tendencies. Do you set high standards for yourself and often feel like you haven’t done enough? When does this come up?
- Do I define myself by my career? How can I detach from my work self?
- Am I honoring my work style and flow? Get to know yourself — including your energy levels, interests, work rhythms and patterns, environments, and more. Personality tests and career assessments can help you understand yourself and uncover passions and purpose, which then may reshape your entire way of living.
Burnout comes from trying to do it all. Our inner critics force us to set high standards for ourselves and tend to make us feel like we haven’t done enough.
- Notice when your inner critic creeps up. Does the critical voice appear when you try to rest? When you set boundaries for yourself? When you try to ask for help? Let the voice have it’s say, but recognize the truth.
2. Set Boundaries
Eliminating the stressor that’s causing you to burn out is best, but not always a possibility. That’s where boundaries come in. Ask yourself these questions to become more intentional about your time and energy:
- When am I saying yes to doing something when I really want to say no?
- What do I value? Time with family and friends? Being present for your children? Spending time with like-minded people? Create a poster of all the things you value and keep it in eye view for a constant reference that guides you back to your authentic desires. Then, ask yourself if your everyday life matches up to the values you wish to model and uphold.
- What energizes me? What depletes me? Think about non-negotiables that conserve your energy, like eating away from your desk for a proper lunch break, taking a 15-minute walk in the morning, doing brain dumps, decluttering, and avoiding back-to-back meetings. Watch for social media, breaking news alerts, physical clutter, energy vampires, and other culprits of exhaustion.
- Am I holding on to any old beliefs or generational cycles that don’t serve me?
Stop Multitasking. Seriously.
Task switching, according to Dixon, causes us to spend more of our limited energy than we can afford. Avoid multitasking to avoid burnout.
- Only put three things on your daily to-do list.
- Work in shorter bursts and use a Time Timer clock to easily see the passing of time.
- Pause work-related notifications after a certain time, keep your phone at a distance, and take off your smartwatch. Think about it: How can you really stay present when these devices can easily split your attention?
[Read: ADHD Fatigue Is a Real (Exhausting) Thing]
3. Ask for — and Accept — Help
You are worthy of help. Write down your challenges and the parts of your life that overwhelm you, no matter how small. How could you receive more help for each? Can you ask your spouse and family to chip in? Could you delegate tasks at work or communicate your needs to your manager? Could you benefit from hiring a virtual assistant?
Receiving help may feel uncomfortable initially until you recognize its positive impact on your life.
4. Monitor Hormonal Changes
Consider cycle syncing, the practice of adjusting your schedules, routines, and other parts of your life according to your menstrual cycle. Talk with your doctor about adjusting your treatment plan according to your menstrual cycle, an increasingly common practice. You may wish to reserve activities that take up more energy, like important work meetings and social events, during high-estrogen phases. During low-estrogen phases, you may want to prioritize rest. Use a calendar or an app to help you track your cycle and notice patterns with your energy levels and ADHD symptoms.
If you are in perimenopause or have reached menopause, talk to your doctor about treatments to alleviate your symptoms, and whether changes to your ADHD medication may be warranted.
5. Focus on Improving Your Sleep
Sleep deprivation — a key indicator of burnout — causes brain fog, increases cortisol and blood sugar levels, and affects our ability to handle stress. From working late and answering that “one last email” to revenge bedtime procrastination, burnout fuels insomnia and sets off a vicious cycle. Prioritize restful sleep:
- Commit to going to bed at a set time, even if things aren’t “done.” (Your to-do list will still be there tomorrow.)
- Create a soothing bedtime routine.
- Quiet your racing mind. Try brain dumping to clear mental declutter that’s preventing you from resting.
- Avoid mindlessly scrolling through your phone while in bed. Set a timer or make it a rule to “turn off” all your social media/notifications at a specific time.
6. Do Things That Make You Happy
Schedule in time to do things that bring you real joy, like going for a walk, texting a friend, watching a funny video that makes you laugh, or reconnecting with an old hobby. Even a few minutes can break you out of the stress zone and help you feel more balanced.
7. Practice Calming Techniques
Tapping and breathing exercises are simple activities you can do every morning and throughout the day when you most need it. A bath or even a splash of cold water can calm and reset your system. You don’t have to wait until you’re stressed or overwhelmed to use these tools. You can find lots of calming techniques and tutorials in my Vimeo account here.
8. Practice Self-Compassion
Recognize that you are doing the best you can each day under your circumstances. Think to yourself (perhaps as you do a calming exercise): “Even though I’m feeling overwhelmed, exhausted, and burned out, I’m going to send myself some love. I choose to feel calm. I choose to meet myself where I am. I accept how I’m feeling. I choose to believe that my situation will improve.”
Here are other helpful affirmations to help you practice self-compassion as you respect your boundaries and recover from burnout:
- It’s safe to rest.
- It’s okay to finish for today.
- I’m allowed to relax.
- I’m enough right now.
- I give myself permission to relax and recharge.
- I’m exactly where I’m meant to be.
- Whatever I have done today is enough.
- I am defined beyond my career.
- I live life according to my truth and values.
- I am learning to release control and surrender more.
- Where I am in my journey is where I’m meant to be.
- I’m creating when I’m resting.
- I chose to accept that whatever I do is enough right now.
ADHD Burnout Recovery: Next Steps
- Take This Self-Test: 10 Questions to Reveal Parental Burnout
- Free Download: How Well Are You Handling Stress?
- Read: The Antidote to ADHD Fatigue and Exhaustion? Stacking Habits (and Spoons)
- Read: “What I Wish Someone Had Told Me Before My Flaming ADHD Burnout”
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